Tuesday, September 30, 2014

A Writer Tries to Meditate

Ommmm, I am thinking of nothing, nothing at all.



Ooh, what if in the next chapter, Lily finds a secret passageway from the New York Stock Exchange to Sy's Pizza and it's littered with pizza boxes...

No, no, stop that. I am supposed to clear my mind of all thoughts.

The Mind Clearer. Wouldn't that make a great title for a novel? The Mind Clearer: When you know too much, she comes to the rescue. Oh, not just a novel, that's definitely a movie too. Claire Danes or Meryl Streep? Either way, it would be fabulous...

Come on, brain, work with me here! Ommmm, I am present in this moment.



No, not the present moment. It would have to be set in the future. But not in a dark depressing future like in Mad Max. Why does everyone think the future is going to be filled with people who don't shower or comb their hair?The Mind Clearer would definitely be into hygiene...

I am bringing my thoughts back in when they stray... ommmmm....

It's like my thoughts are sheep. Black sheep. No, pink; wait, fuschia  Fuschia sheep who always want to do their own thing, but are very colorful about it. One sheep, two sheep, white sheep, fuschia sheep. Wait, I wonder if anyone has ever thought of updating all of Dr. Seuss's books with a feminist bent. I am Pam, Pam I am, my doctor said I should eat some yams. I don't like hot-flashing in a box, I don't like hot-flashing with a fox...

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in...

...to a paper bag. Who came up with the idea that breathing into a paper bag could help calm someone down. What other kind of bags did they try first? Duffels, garment, Ziploc? I need to look that up when I'm done meditating.


We're done? Already? But I'm not feeling peaceful yet. Namaste Bitches. Now that's a great title.




Leigh Anne Jasheway is lousy at meditating, but great at... oh, look! A squirrel! Read her funny books or follow her on Twitter for the jokes she writes when she's supposed to be working.

3 comments :

Sue Coletta said...

Wow. I'd like just a quick peek inside your mind.

Eliza Cross said...

Leigh Anne, your articles always tickle me. My mind does this when I meditate, too - but you sure did get a wealth of great book titles!

Brendan Murphy said...

Good one - finding the right way to meditate is something we all must find the challenge to overcome. Thanks for this light-hearted look at it.
Thanks, Bren